The Monitor’s Advice Column
Question 1: I like this boy and I think he likes me too. We always stare at each other in a “staring war” as if waiting for the other one to say, “I like you”. So, I decided that the best route is to become friends with him so that I can get to know him better. Could this work?
Answered by Gabrielle A.
It seems like you worked out the solution yourself. That would definitely work. It is always best to get to know the person first. You might be able to find out some cool facts about him. I think that you are making the right decision. Some people just jump into relationships, but it is definitely better to be friends before being together. You will get to know his personality and even if you don’t end up dating, you will still have a new friend.
Question 2: So, I have this guy, and he wants to send me a gift. But I don’t feel that I’d be able to accept the gift. I don’t know why, it’s just NOT my thing. If I cannot return the gift, then I do not accept it. He’s sweet and whenever I say that I can’t accept it, it seems like he gets offended. But I don’t mean for it to be mean. I just simply don’t feel that I should accept it. It’s weird, but I don’t want him to get mad at me because I won’t accept it. It makes me kind of upset, and it seems like every time it comes up an argument might boil to the surface. But he’s not one to argue, he’s really the one that stops the arguments. He’s very laid back and relaxed, I guess. But I don’t want it to end up with us not talking because of it and me crying over it. Please help? I don’t know what to do.
Answered by Alana H.
Advice for Modern Teens
I can completely relate. Accepting gifts from people that you can’t return can be very awkward. When a guy gives a girl a gift, it usually means he likes her and wants to show it in some way. Their egos can be hurt if the gift is refused. You should try to tell him why you don’t want to accept the gift. He should be able to understand to some extent. If this doesn’t work, then just accept this one gift (granted it’s not an expensive or fancy gift). You could also just try to get him something in return, even if it’s something really small and cheap. You could draw something or write a poem. He’s sure to appreciate it greatly.
Question 3: I have a friend that I made this year at Connections, but I notice that I often act differently around this friend than I do other friends. I often tease this friend. I’m kind of like a tsundere with this friend, if you know what a tsundere is. Whenever I look this kind of thing up, I just get irritating quizzes on “Is he your crush?” and other subjects on the same matter. I don’t know if I like this friend just as a friend, as something more, or if I’m overreacting. Maybe you can help straighten out my brain.
Answered by Simran C.
Well, you are certainly stuck in a predicament! But, do not worry; the following should be able to help you out.
There can be several reasons as to why you act differently around a particular friend compared to your other friends. It does not always mean that you think of this person as someone more than a friend. Keep in mind that it is up to you to decide which of these reasons truly fits you, because you are the only one who knows yourself best.
One reason may be the fact that it is a person you met at Connections Academy. If you have not met this person face-to-face, then you might be acting fearless. You mentioned how you often tease this friend. Well, is the teasing done online and not face-to-face? Behind a keyboard, you might just be more confident with yourself and thus, you choose to play around by teasing.
Another reason could be that you are more comfortable with this person than with your other friends, which is completely okay! You might just really love talking to this person and having fun! Then that would mean you see this person as simply friends.
Also, know that everyone is different. You might act a specific way with one friend and then a different way with someone else. It simply depends on how comfortable you are. However, this does not refer to if you are pretending to be someone else. In other words, if you act a totally different way with this person and you know that the way you are acting is definitely not you, then you are putting a mask on and being someone else. Remember to stay true to yourself and make sure you are not pretending to be someone you are not.
Now, here comes what you seem to be the most confused and worried about. The aforementioned reasons might not be what you are looking for; maybe you actually acquire feelings for this person! Do you daydream about this person? Do you feel butterflies, does your heart speed up, or do you blush when you two communicate with each other? Does almost everything you perceive, such as movies or random objects, remind you of this person? Would you like it if you two were more than friends? Essentially, if you would absolutely love the thought of you two becoming more than friends, then you have a crush for sure! Furthermore, you can take actions on this crush by figuring out how deep your feelings really are. Then you can understand yourself better to know if you want to share your feelings or keep them hidden until they evaporate into thin air.
Hopefully, this helps you get an idea of why you might be acting differently with this one friend compared to your other friends. Once again, you are the only one who knows yourself best, so it is up to you to confront your emotions and sort them out. Good luck!